Change scene to minutes later falling asleep sitting up in the glider, pump cups in hand sucking away. I'm amazed we didn't have a bp milk spill. I guess I'm just that talented now, I can pump with my eyes closed and brain shut down. Trust me, you don't want to see a picture of this part.
Thank God Troy took the 6am shift, or I'm pretty sure we would have had a clip from Mommy Dearest all up in this joint. I get up later with the attitude that I'm going to tackle my 100 things to do list today - yet I am just glued to the recliner as she won't stop nursing. As soon as I hesitantly lay her down after a feeding, she yells "Psych!" by waking up and demanding more. I'm bored on feeding #3 and start aimlessly looking around the room. Found #101 to do - take care of these shrek toes and get a pedicure!!!
But wait - my clothes are still in the suitcase from our vacation ending a week ago, I need to eat breakfast since it's 11am, Lyla's clean clothes are scattered all over the once prestinely decorated nursery, What is that smell coming from her room???, the house needs a desperate deep clean from being away for 2 weeks, guys are coming over this afternoon to replace the carpet on the stairs, Am I ever going to make it to the gym?, need to schedule a pre-surgery cardio appointment for her, flights to be booked, company coming into town this week....AHHHHHHHHHHH. Poor Troy, he ended up being the target.
Some call it postpartum depression. I call it being a new mom and getting your world turned upside down. The preconceived notion that being a stay-at-home mom is the easy way out is haunting me. I can't believe I ever thought this. Talk about a bad judgement call, just like thinking I would actually use my gym membership after she was born. It's the hardest job I've ever had. Don't get me wrong, I love doing it. And the salary that she rewards me with is way better than any 6-figure income. But sometimes mama needs a break from this 7 days a week job. What am I going to do?
There's no need to be SuperMann here. Characters like that are fictional for a reason. I learned to listen to my cues and just take a break. Sometimes you just need to drop it all and go read gossip magazines while someone rubs tension-melting hot stones from the arches of your feet to the insides of your calves. Sometimes you just need to hop into the car and jam out to some Put A Ring On It without your baby's sensitive ears in the car. Sometimes you just need to stare at your freshly bright painted matching nails and toes to make you feel 1000% better about your image. I came back reenergized and ready to tackle it all. Then she wanted to eat more...so I only got to #2 on the list.
Point being, we're never going to be satisfied with our meaningless pending to-do's. There's way better things outside of your house walls to go expereince rather than fighting that damn neverending list. Things like piling laundry and 3-day old voicemails can wait. Instead I'm going to go enjoy a walk along the water and later on take pride in making the little one laugh for the first time.
Go ahead and do the same - shut off your rambling mind and go enjoy a summer sherbert sunset!