I have learned that Lyla was just testing us last week when her surgery was cancelled. She was trying to make sure us parents could handle minor medical setbacks that are bound to happen during surgical recovery, but we needed to learn how to ride the medical jargon rollercoaster without freaking out. We’re ready this time… hands up and everything. (We just found out that her new surgery date will be 11/10.)
I have learned how to hands free pump, feed her a bottle, and book her a doctor’s appointment via speakerphone all at the same time. That being a mom is the meaning of multitasking. And the meaning of hard work with the biggest pay off – a big fat check of belly laughs.
I have learned that we tend to take the delicate human body for granted. In good times, we don’t think about how our smooth heart walls were designed flawlessly when we were the size of a poppy seed. Or how every breath we take goes on without a hitch, without even having to think about it. My daughter’s heart was not designed without error. The thought that her heart will stop beating on its own, that a machine will breath for her…makes you realize just how intricate these bodies that we consume really are, and you need to thank your lucky stars if you were blessed with good health.I have learned never to leave the house with purple slippers on, without a diaper bag containing milk, and without a cell phone. Yes the one day I ventured to do all 3 while dropping Troy off at the ferry 10 minutes down the road, was the moment our car decided to malfunction. Thank God they have a Dunkin’ Donuts here on every corner.I have learned that our souls seen through the eyes are too deep of a thing to just be done once our hearts stop beating. To believe that my loved ones and I will keep on going when we close our optic gateways for the final time is the essence of comfort. It took me a long time to get to this.
Speaking of eyes, I have learned that an exhausted baby who refuses to shut hers for some reason can make the longest of nap-less afternoons filled with fusses that will pierce your ears. Along with that, I’ve learned that 2 glasses of wine each night is not considered alcoholism – it’s considered survival. And even if the only thing that you got done that day was 1 load of laundry, you’re still a miracle-worker Supermom. I have learned that sitting on a park bench, watching the whispy trees blow, is the best therapy one could ever ask for. Forget the 4 walls of an overpaid doctor’s office, forget the $300 sessions. Just go find a tree.
I have learned that infant socks are meaningless. I put a pair on her, 2 minutes later after a couple of kicks – Bam. Lifeless socks without feet on them on my floor. The main problem: there are 32 pairs of infant socks in her drawer.
I have learned that the meaning of life is the network of relationships we form, and the common denominator of love. Fuzzy sounding, I know – but think about it. Hence why I seek to form so many connections through my writing. Hence why I feel such strength through the hard times.I have learned that I am a mom. And a new-prospective wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend, neighbor, and stranger. A new kind of stranger is my favorite part. I pick a particular line in the grocery store to greet the boy in the Extra Chrom Club working the checkout, or bring a cart over to an elderly man who just pulled into the parking lot. The world is such a better place if you’re willing to conquer the simplest of tasks – to just be a kind unknown.