Sunday, January 31, 2010

"It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?"

27 weeks 3 days

How far along? 27th week
Total weight gain/loss: +0lb the last week, +22lb total. I actually got on the scale two times to make sure I was reading that right. This is not a proud moment though- my pants selection is still slowly dwindling as the baby gets higher. I uncomfortably HATE wearing anything that doesn't come above the uterus line- which now is basically to my boobs- what up Urkel. I almost had to wear a pair of Troy's as today was laundry day, but I was too chicken that I would put them on and they wouldn't fit. I could just imagine the "I'm having a fat day" closet scenario played out so many times pre-pregnancy when even your fat jeans wouldn't fit. Now multiply that feeling times 10 as your husband watches you worm your way into a pair of his khakis?!- no thank you. So we just avoided that whole possibly mortifying fashion show with a pair of pajama pants for the day.
Stretch marks? No stretch marks, but here's this week's new weird skin discovery. I think that dark creepy line that goes vertically from your who-who to your boobs is starting. So attractive. It's like your body saying to your husband "As if you didn't have enough to freak out about your wife's new body..."
Sleep: Gone are the days of sore shoulders, hips, and even jaw lines from clenching my teeth in pain. Our new mattress is here!!! I was even able to get rid of the Snoogle that's been making Troy jealous in bed. Just with a pillow between my knees, I am good to go with only one awakening in the night to empty the balloon of a bladder, switch to my other side, and to tell Troy to roll over so there's no breathing in my face....I am so thankful. And we made sure we got the mattress protector sheet in case that lovely bag of water decides to break on our bed and ruin the warranty. That would be our luck.
Best moment this week: Getting the new mattress, but also getting a Wii. Mommy can exercise now! haha
Movement: I'm getting scared since the kicks are getting higher and stronger. My issue of Family Circle (thanks Lulu) that was conveniently resting at the start of the belly as I read was almost shot out of my hands with the strongest kick I've ever felt last night. Come on babe, I mean I was learning great tricks in there. Like how to store sheets in the linens closet- put the extra folded up sheet set inside of the pillowcase it goes with, so the whole set isn't scattered and buried all over. Genius, right?
Gender: I loved this scene. I'm in Babies R Us buying a crib sheet, and the checkout girl says "So do you know what you're having?" I explain "No we decided to not find out. Most days I feel girl, but some days I feel boy. And everyone keeps guessing. But I guess only one person really knows in there anyways.", as I casually look down to the belly. To which she so insightfully replies "Well you should have them tell you!" She was a smart one.
Labor Signs: The labor of meeting my new friend Heartburn. Not really a good friend, just shows up whenever he feels like it unannounced. Sticks around way past my bedtime and makes me feel bad about eating potato chips. My other friend Tums was so offended that he tried to kick his ass, but Heartburn won.
Food Cravings: Coca-cola. I broke down and bought a case, but I only let myself have 1 a day. Ok, that's a lie- I made Troy go to the store that instant to buy it and that night I had 2 :)
What I miss: Not being stared at when I'm by myself in line at the liquor store with a case of Budweiser- of course it's not for me people!!! I guess this is what guys feel like buying tampons.
What I am looking forward to: Next doctor's appointment is this Thursday. No, I am not looking forward to that orange drink I have to guzzle for the gestational diabetes test - and I hear it's more like Orange Glo than Sunkist. But I am looking forward to another listen at the heartbeat. I hope it's pulse is back down from The Guess Who concert this past Friday. That drum solo was kickin' in that little casino room and so was the baby. I was scared we were getting a lot of "What the f**k is going on out there Mom & Dad!?"'s from the concert-goer within. That's what you call a jam session my child!
Weekly Wisdom: Pregnant woman are lucky at a roulette table. Baby needs a new pair of shoes! Well we won enough for 20 pair :)
Milestones: Baby is about 2.5 lb and 15" long. Keep on cookin' homeskillet! Reminds me of Juno- "That ain't no Etch A Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet." I need to go watch that movie now.
Baby Brain Moment of the Week: This was classic. So we get the Wii, make our characters to look like us, and Troy is kicking my ass at Cycling. Me being the poor loser that I am, demands we switch remotes so he can see how mine isn't working right. We procede to battle it out in a cycling match again, and I'm basking in my glory since now I'm in 1st place with the new remote and I'm silently chuckling as I can see his guy on the split screen having trouble getting anything to work right. As I cross the finish line, I jump up and down with pride "Woo hoo!" Troy looks at me funny and says "Jess, I won." Puzzled, I ponder. Baby-brained Jessica forgot she was not her character on the screen with the remote switch, and was looking at the wrong side of the screen the whole 5-minute bike race. I immediately felt bad about making fun of the Babies R Us chick.
Weekly Belly Pic: Note to baby: Feel free to just push all of those organs out of the way as you need more room to pack on the pounds- no need to make my stomach go any farther out.


  1. OH Jess...this post is hilarious! Nick and I are sitting here reading this cracking up together....thanks for a good laugh!

    Love you,

  2. yeah but the babies r us chick probably is not pregnant, thus has no pregnacy brain to blame it on! and yes the baby will move your organs out of the way AND will still find a way to make your stomach get much bigger....have fun at your apt. on thurs and bring a salty snack and tons of water to eat after your test....the sugar will make you feel sick

  3. Glad I can provide you some laughs Pris- I know you're right there with me in the great discoveries of pregnancy.

    Ooo good trick on the sugar drink Amanda.

  4. Jess -- you crack me up!! Holy crap!!
    Um... you have a costco there, right?? The "Acid Controller" is the BOMB - works like a charm (not to be confused with acid reducer).