The Wall of the Marathon

34 weeks 3 days

How far along? 34th week
Total weight gain/loss: 1lb the last 1 week, +30lb total. There it is, the big 3-0.
Stretch marks? I am proud of my skin to be able to say NO! I can tell there's still a little bit of stretch left to give since the belly button is still an innie. Barely an innie, so weird looking. And that whole linea niegra line is there but faint, all the way up and down. I like to call it my Prime Meridian.
Sleep: Back to bad. I have to switch sides at least 5 times a night from my shoulder making my arm go numb - not surprising since its like setting a 30lb weight on a garden hose. So when I turn over, I can feel every muscle in my stomach trying to lift & then support Chunky Monkey falling to the other side.
Best moment this week: My housekeeper came back! After a long 10 days of no sweeping and take-out, my husband is back to take care of this place that I simply cannot keep up with anymore. Seeing as I can't bend over to pick up the pen I dropped, there was no way in hell I was bending over to clean toilets. I believe our situation has housekeeper written all over it since there will come a time that he'll need to hit the road again, and instead of a belly in the way, I'll have the perfect excuse called a baby + career = I get what I want!
Movement: Starting to slow down a bit. I believe Chunky has bestowed this upon him/herself by stealing all of mama's food and deciding to be a porker. Not a wise decision little one when you only have so much room in there! Hmmm but on the other hand, sounds like I used to make the same decisions by giving into french fries when I knew I had a skinny pair of jeans with the tags still on them in my closet. Let's make a deal- I'll continue to feed you the good stuff if you promise to come out a week early?
Gender: No clue.
Labor Signs: We can answer this like it was meant to be answered now. We're Braxton Hicks'ing it up! Makes me excited to know that we're at least at the practice contractions stage. My lovely Troy says to me "I dont like the term Braxton Hicks, it sounds like a disease." Me: "You are unbelievable."
Food Cravings: My father's genes in me came out full force when I suddenly craved peanut M&M's. A trip to the store for them went along perfectly with the plan to buy him some bags as well to stuff into his birthday present package. I intended to send him 5 bags, and only 1 made it into the box :)
What I miss: Being able to enjoy a couple of tall Sam Adams Summer Ales outside on the first sunny, 70 degree day of the year. Troy made sure to do this in front of me yesterday though. This karma is coming back to you in diapers that look like Summer Ale, pal.
What I am looking forward to: Thursday marks 35/35. For those of you not educated on the new wave of baby board lingo, it means 35 weeks and 35 days left!!!
Weekly Wisdom: Milk the pregnancy card for all that it's worth the last 5 weeks. This will include handicap parking spots, turning over the chef hat to husband, blaming lateness to appointments on mild contractions, and going guilt-free when vegitating on the couch to "rest up" for the big day.
Milestones: Last doctor's appointment was Wednesday. 140bpm on baby, blood pressure for me was 110/70, and belly was measuring right on track at 34 cm. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt Monkey and just agree you had a growth spurt weeks 30-32. Maybe there's no need to freak out over a large baby afterall.
Baby Brain Moment of the Week: I keep second guessing if words are as I think or a close relative, and of course I'm thinking out loud in front of groups of people. I need to just retreat to a second grade vocabulary until I can get my college degree back.
Weekly Belly Pic: My beautiful 25-weeks pregnant bestie came and visited for a night. Season is my savior in this whole ordeal as we do not commonly share with the rest of the world's "warm and fuzzy" view on pregnancy. We like to keep it real and bitch about how we feel like we've been pregnant for years rather than weeks. But she is my enemy when she looks like she's not even pregnant in this picture and here I am, the whale. But I still love you.

Baby Shower Adoreableness

Mama and Lulu threw the most fabulous baby shower in late February for our new family of 3. It was so wonderful to see all of my family and local friends, even if all of you could drink mimosas and I couldn't. The generous amount of gifts was overwhelming and we are now officially all set for anything that Chunky Monkey needs...what a wonderful feeling. Of course the cuteness was off the charts for details that Mom & Lulu put into the event. Here are some pics from the unforgettable celebration. Thank you so much to all who could spend the day with us and special thanks to the Divine Decorating Duo who made the day happen.

Shower Favors - About To Pop :)

Filled with this amazing chocolate covered popcorn!!!
Cupcake CenterpiecesThe cupcakes are rattles!!!Holy Moly. Child, you are spoiled already.My Little Helper, that eventually turned into 10 in order to get all of those presents open before they kicked us out. We were sweating from the workout!The cuteness begins...Cheeseball...A bouquet of onsies...how clever. The problem is I dont want to take it apart.
Some of the ladies in attendance...

Thank you ladies!!!!!

Sorry I missed a week!

33 weeks 2 days

I know, I know I've been a slacker for my thousands of die-hard blog fans. I guess motivation for after-work 2 hour naps has replaced my motivation to blog. But life's all about balance so here we go once again...

Your Baby: Month 8

Baby’s senses are continuing to improve -- when light peeks in through your (extremely) stretched belly, those tiny eyelids and irises blink and dilate. And, baby can now recognize and react to simple songs… time to start practicing your lullabies! Growth (at least inside your womb) is starting to slow, and you may notice baby descend into your pelvis at the end of this month.

How far along? 33rd week
Total weight gain/loss: 0lb the last 2 weeks, +29lb total. +1 then -1, SAAAAWEEEEET.
Stretch marks? If I'm going to get stretch marks anywhere, it's going to be my calves and ankles...aka cankles. Now that would be a sight. I scare Troy away every evening when I take off my work boots and socks. It's so bad that I've graduated from my socks, onto his socks, sometimes even having to slit the tight part at the top (so for his birthday please buy him new socks because he doesn't know yet!). Sad, sad, sad. Someone needs to capitalize on maternity socks.
Sleep: I hate that Troy's away for 10 days, but I am loving the bed all to myself. Judging I woke up almost sideways on the bed with the comforter in a ball in my arms, we should have gone for the king size bed.
Best moment this week: Found an in-home daycare for only $1400/mo, that's run by sweet loving people, includes meals, and is good for 10 hours a day - SCORE!!! One major thing to cross off the list.
Movement: The rolling is insane now! I think I scared the girl doing my pedicure today. I don't think there's much room in there anymore though. Although my bellybutton is still in, so there's an inch for you babe. But after an outie, I'm demanding eviction before the stretch mark party poopers arrive.
Gender: I have watched the 3d ultrasound video 293 times now and I still can't tell if baby looks more like a chico or chica. I'm not favoring either way anymore, I just want to know because that means I'm done!
Labor Signs: The labor of facing the pregnancy cliches. I hate to say they're all true- the infamous waddle-walk, hard to sit down or get up, swollen everything, belly runs into everything, can't see my feet, bladder the size of a quarter, and socks are impossible to get on, let alone the tying of the shoelaces. Oh and the most obvious - complaining.

Food Cravings: 2 gallons of milk in 7 days, and Troy's not here.
What I miss: Let me see if you can guess...It's Saturday night. I just hung up the phone with Troy who's in New Orleans for the weekend and I can hear the city streets that I used to dance up and down on. Mean while I'm on the couch watching re-runs of America's Next Top Model since nothing else is on tv and I don't have the energy to get up off of the couch to put in The Ugly Truth that has been sitting in its Netflix envelope for 2 weeks. Enough said on what I miss right now.

What I am looking forward to: Troy getting home to fulfill demands. Like the popsicles I am craving at the moment but are not in our freezer.
Weekly Wisdom: Boston parking meters do not care that you put in enough quarters for 60 minutes, but you showed up after 68. First official parking ticket ever - well besides the Clarkson ones that were like your grandma trying to discipline you. I'm pissed I didn't see them in person since the pregnant belly seems to always win.
Milestones: Last doctor's appointment baby was 145bpm and the belly was 33cm at 32 weeks. Doc said that if they belly measures over 38cm at the 36 week appt, then we'll do another ultrasound to see if we need to talk "options". I'd like to take the option right now to ensure that this child doesn't see 9lb inside of this girl.
Baby Brain Moment of the Week: Thinking that I could squeeze into a parking space with barely enough room to open my drivers side door. Of course I tried to get out and I'm lucky I didnt wedge myself in. That would have been a proud moment.

Weekly Belly Pic: Grey shirt/pj's cause thats all that's comfy is 32 weeks and purple shirt is 33.

We're in the 30's!!!!

31 weeks 5 days

How far along? 31st week
Total weight gain/loss: +4lb the last 2 weeks, +29lb total. Ok, I'm not pigging out what-so-ever and I'm on my feet with work now 8 hours a day. WHERE is all of this coming from?!?!? I'm officially scared.
Stretch marks? Skin is still perfect, well besides the skin as pale as Beetlejuice. Go ahead, I dare you to say it 3 times.
Sleep: I must look like a TLC pillow hoarder in the bedroom. I think I'm up to 6 pillows while sleeping- no joke. 3 around my head, 1 to hug, 1 behind my back, and 1 in between the legs. Troy hasnt gotten the hint either that he's only allowed to a 1/3 of the bed since technically I count as 2/3 now. This is actually a great point, and I'm totally winning this fight tonight.
Best moment this week: Hands down, it was the 3d ultrasound attempt #2 we had last Friday. After visiting a day care that oh-so-kindly informed us that fees are $2,000/month in this lovely rich suburb of Boston (gulp), we made our way to the ultrasound. We were thinking "This kid better be pretty darn cute for $2k a month" and I'm pretty sure we reached $10k a month- thank god. Results are of course posted previously, and I'm glad we got it done so I can now inform my OB that we need to be on Andre The Giant Baby watch.
Movement: All the time now, and it's starting to get uncomfortable. And it's totally the weirdest when I'm going pee. Relax child, I'm giving you more room in there!
Gender: None of you can convince me. You're all so back and forth! Now Troy thinks girl after seeing Chunky Monkey's cheeks, pouty lips, chin, and nose in 3d...you know, since he can see all of those things on me. I dont know what he's talking about...

Labor Signs: The labor of being educated. We went through our 8-hour Labor Prep class on Saturday. Great idea Troy. I guess he didn't have the extra 30lb of weight in an uncomfortable chair to think about. But it was very educating on what to do and when to do call and so on. I was bummed they didn't show a live birth video, you know the one where the woman is from the 80's and doesnt know what a razor is. I desperately wanted to see Troy's face and laugh (I know mean). But now here's hoping he doesn't run out of the delivery room now from oh-my-god-what-is-that ill preparedness. It was weird since we got a certificate at the end, like now there's proof we can be parents or something.

Food Cravings: Any and all liquids. Ok, well not the wine. Oh how I miss the wine. But anywho, I have an unquenchable thirst that not even a 32oz Nalgene of water every 3 hours can solve. I am contemplating just walking around with the double beer can hat deal with the straws right into the mouth. No, no, with water of course. I can see social services already showing up at our door.
What I miss: Me.

What I am looking forward to: 4-30-2010.
Weekly Wisdom: Being preggo is the ultimate VIP. We went to The Lion King production last week and got through an AMAZING first act. Man, what a show. And Troy was so cute since he reminded me we're continuing the Circle of Life...awwww. So anyways, it's intermission and of course I've got to pee. We walk to the lower lounge area and the line is hundreds of women long up the stairs. I then see an all-black dressed woman at the bottom of the stairs with walkie talkie in hand say "I've got one!" The red sea parted in the line, and I got escorted to the private bathroom for only preggos to use. GLORIOUS!!!! I have never felt so privileged...and more death-stared by the other women.
Milestones: Feet are gone from my sight and socks are impossible to put on. Troy's not allowed to leave town in April just so I can get shoes on and out the door. Doctor visits are every 2 weeks now. Next one is tomorrow!
Baby Brain Moment of the Week: Cannot spell. I actually asked how to spell "clothes" the other day, and it still didn't make sense after Troy reminded me of the 1st grade word. Of all words, I forget this one??!!??

Weekly Belly Pic: Very tired after work look...

We Got It This Time!

Check out the cool 3d pics we got on Friday- science is so amazing.

So these can look scary for those not prepared- it's not an alien baby and you've got to take them with a grain of salt with everything floating around in there. And the tech had to stay zoomed in so we couldnt see any private parts, so it makes it a little fuzzier. But there's no black eyes, the growth that looks like it's coming off it's head is the placenta, the cord is just under the chin, the bumpy head look is apparently the hair folicles, and the eyes are a little scary when they're open in there since there's nothing for them to focus on. Other than that, a very cool experience. There's one with the tongue sticking out- I ate an apple right before we went in and the tech said that was why and I thought that was hilarious.

And it looks like we have a Chunk McChunkster on our hands- the technician estimated the baby already at 4lb, and at 31 weeks we're only supposed to be around 3.2 for an avg! She noted several times how surprised she was baby was so big...great. That's all a first-time mom needs to hear. Look at those pinchable cheeks and double chin already! This scares the sh** out of me for labor since we're pretty much looking at at least 1/2lb per week from here on out, but hopefully there was just a little growth spurt in there from the extra milk lately and the weight gain in there will chill out for the home stretch. The doc will pay close attention to how big my stomach is measuring to keep track of the weight- if we get too big, we may be going a little earlier than April 30. Mom-to-be is praying we're not over 9lb! Really praying.

I know, I know

29 weeks 3 days

Sorry for the MIA. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Interviewed for a job last Tuesday, got offered the job last Friday, started working Monday. But I'm not complaining...I'm out of the house woo hoo! The role of a lackadaisical Orange County Housewife is over and back into the motivating corporate world I go. Thank you God, someone was about to get hurt...most likely our bank account from going shopping just to relieve boredom. So here we go back to our previously scheduled program...

Baby’s energy is surging, thanks to the formation of white fat deposits beneath the skin. (Have those kicks and jabs to the ribs tipped you off yet?) Baby is also settling into sleep and waking cycles, though -- as you’ve also probably noticed -- they don’t necessarily coincide with your own. Also this month, all five senses are finally functional, and the brain and nervous system are going through major developments.



How far along? 29th week
Total weight gain/loss: +3lb the last 2 weeks, +25lb total. Seeing as this was "my goal" weight gain for the whole ordeal, I am not a happy camper. When we attempted to do the 3d ultrasound this week, the technician asked how much I've gained and commented that she wouldn't be able to tell that with the smaller stomach that I have. I idiotically took a little pride in this moment, but then "bring-you-back-to-reality" Troy commented afterward "Yeah, I'm sure she doesn't say that to everyone." Thanks oh loved one.
Stretch marks? My pants/underwear skin indentation lines are playing evil tricks with my eyes. There are still no stretch marks, but that dark creepy line that I thought was starting in the last post, is not. Whenever I call you freaking out about some strange rash that has broken out across my baby's skin, please remind me that it's probably just the pajamas.
Sleep: I'm ok, but ask Troy and he may answer differently. Apparently the decreased lung capacity & stuffy pregnancy nose has moved me into the category of a "loud sleeper". I understand his observation though, as I commented on how I now know why heavier people are always out of breath from just walking across the room. No joke, I got up to go to the bathroom one day and noticed the increased rate through my nostrils from just getting to the toilet. Talk about a feel good moment. And yes smart asses, that was before the actual act of going to the bathroom.
Best moment this week: Even though it was a bust, we did get an amazing sneak peak at peanut in the attempted 3d ultrasound. I was so excited to see science's amazing capability of what it actually looked like in the new hippest community of Jessica's Womb. First was the heartbeat, a solid 145bpm. Then up on the screen pops this little head in 3d mode, but the side profile was barely visible as baby was snuggled up against the placenta, away from the camera. The technician asked if I'd been feeling a lot of hiccups from down there, and I told her I've felt like my pelvis has it's own pulse lately. She explained it was because the baby was doing a lot of sucking on the umbilical cord! Sure enough, there baby was, sucking away on it's own lifeline. That's all I need to worry about now, my baby gnawing through the freaking cord.

And I think we have a gymnast- the baby was folded up like a card table with it's toes poking the eye. I was uncomfortable just looking at the position- use those knees child! So we observe what we can from the shy position the baby was in- 10 fingers, 10 toes. The technician said putting on weight very well (great, here comes that 9lb baby). Cute little ears. And from what the technician could tell- a MOHAWK. If that's you in there Lyla, you may want to rethink your choice of hairstyle.

So we of course want to see that beautiful face, so we start jiggling my tummy and having me move from hip to hip to get the little bugger to turn and awake. How dare we try and disturb almighty one's sleep time- he or she was NOT having it. The more we tried, the more baby turned away. Sounds like someone I used to know back in 6th grade when her mom was trying to wake her up for school.
Thankfully, these people have you reschedule if your baby is being an all covered up Michael Jackson the first time around. So we're back to photoshoot numero 2 on Fri, 2/26. Here are the best shots from round #1 though...


Movement: Troy was fully freaked out by a complete roll baby did while we were observing my bare stomach in bed. Way till he gets a load of the complete roll baby can put in a diaper.
Gender: I am still thinking girl, Troy now thinks boy from the 3d ultrasound. I think he was swayed when the technician said she thought the baby looked more like dad. You know his head swelled to twice the size after hearing that, or he was praying his poor little girl didn't look like him haha.
Labor Signs: The labor of being able to sit. My back has decided to riot against the extra strain that the selfish, expanding neighbor Peanut has put on her, and is speaking up to the landlord. There is one particular nerve going from my left shoulder blade, down to my mid-back that just won't let up. If I'm walking around or laying down- no problemo. But if I'm trying to just sit on the couch or in the chair, forget about getting comfy. I tried to get adjusted by a chiropractor- 4 hours later the pain was back. Normally this is where the Loritabs would solve all. But seeing as I don't want my baby coming out as Keith Richards, I think we'll just have to do with some Tylenol and heating pads. So looking forward to the next 10 weeks of this until Peanut is evicted.

Food Cravings: Milk. But picture this...I wake up to a starving baby...ok starving Jessica... yesterday morning after 11 hours of sleep. I make a fantastic egg and cheese sami on buttered, toasted fresh bread. I down a glass of milk half way through the meal and ask Troy for a refill. He opens the other quart he purchased the day before, and brings me my fresh glass. I start pounding it, only to realize on the second gulp it tastes more like a Sour Patch Kid than milk. I spit forth the sour cream from my mouth and get to the sink where I'm just gagging repeatedly. He's lucky I didn't throw up as I glanced at the container that read "Best if used by 2/10/10." It was 2/13.
What I miss: According to Troy, I should miss the days of being only a "one pack" birthday. He oh-so-kindly reminded me that it took 2 packs of 24 candles to cover my birthday cake on Friday. But I couldnt get too mad since the guy walked 2 miles, while sick, to get some birthday cake mix for me while I had the car at work. Walking into a house filled with Funfetti smell pardons you of all smart ass comments for the month. And we all know that's a big pardon.

What I am looking forward to: I know it's crazy, but work on Monday. It's the only place where my back doesn't hurt. Go figure.
Weekly Wisdom: Flats that used to be cute, are now hideous while trying to stuff the sausages of what I guess are my feet now. Heels are laughing at me when I look at them willingly in my closet. My poor rings are hanging on by a thread as the fingers are swolen by lunchtime. You can drink all the water you want, and it's still like you just finished walking 20 miles. And I should know since I've done this many times! I guess my wisdom has been to stick with boots & sneakers, and laugh as the Housewives of Boston at the grocery store look at me in disgust with no wedding ring on. Suckers.
Milestones: I guess I should recap results from the last doctor's visit on 2/5: Baby was a solid 135bpm, stomach was on track at 28cm, blood pressure is perfect, and we passed the glucose test! Next appointment is Wed, 2/17.
Baby Brain Moment of the Week: Thinking that I was actually surprising some of my new bosses when I told them my first day on Monday that I was pregnant. They chuckled and said they were 95% sure that I was pregnant while interviewing, and not just enjoying too many cheeseburgers since they saw me last in September. I guess the baggy shirt didn't do much and men are smarter than what I give them credit for.

Weekly Belly Pic: I just want to reiterate my thankfulness of it not being summer where I'd have to bare more skin. And you as a reader should be thankful as well :)

"It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?"

27 weeks 3 days

How far along? 27th week
Total weight gain/loss: +0lb the last week, +22lb total. I actually got on the scale two times to make sure I was reading that right. This is not a proud moment though- my pants selection is still slowly dwindling as the baby gets higher. I uncomfortably HATE wearing anything that doesn't come above the uterus line- which now is basically to my boobs- what up Urkel. I almost had to wear a pair of Troy's as today was laundry day, but I was too chicken that I would put them on and they wouldn't fit. I could just imagine the "I'm having a fat day" closet scenario played out so many times pre-pregnancy when even your fat jeans wouldn't fit. Now multiply that feeling times 10 as your husband watches you worm your way into a pair of his khakis?!- no thank you. So we just avoided that whole possibly mortifying fashion show with a pair of pajama pants for the day.
Stretch marks? No stretch marks, but here's this week's new weird skin discovery. I think that dark creepy line that goes vertically from your who-who to your boobs is starting. So attractive. It's like your body saying to your husband "As if you didn't have enough to freak out about your wife's new body..."
Sleep: Gone are the days of sore shoulders, hips, and even jaw lines from clenching my teeth in pain. Our new mattress is here!!! I was even able to get rid of the Snoogle that's been making Troy jealous in bed. Just with a pillow between my knees, I am good to go with only one awakening in the night to empty the balloon of a bladder, switch to my other side, and to tell Troy to roll over so there's no breathing in my face....I am so thankful. And we made sure we got the mattress protector sheet in case that lovely bag of water decides to break on our bed and ruin the warranty. That would be our luck.
Best moment this week: Getting the new mattress, but also getting a Wii. Mommy can exercise now! haha
Movement: I'm getting scared since the kicks are getting higher and stronger. My issue of Family Circle (thanks Lulu) that was conveniently resting at the start of the belly as I read was almost shot out of my hands with the strongest kick I've ever felt last night. Come on babe, I mean I was learning great tricks in there. Like how to store sheets in the linens closet- put the extra folded up sheet set inside of the pillowcase it goes with, so the whole set isn't scattered and buried all over. Genius, right?
Gender: I loved this scene. I'm in Babies R Us buying a crib sheet, and the checkout girl says "So do you know what you're having?" I explain "No we decided to not find out. Most days I feel girl, but some days I feel boy. And everyone keeps guessing. But I guess only one person really knows in there anyways.", as I casually look down to the belly. To which she so insightfully replies "Well you should have them tell you!" She was a smart one.
Labor Signs: The labor of meeting my new friend Heartburn. Not really a good friend, just shows up whenever he feels like it unannounced. Sticks around way past my bedtime and makes me feel bad about eating potato chips. My other friend Tums was so offended that he tried to kick his ass, but Heartburn won.

Food Cravings: Coca-cola. I broke down and bought a case, but I only let myself have 1 a day. Ok, that's a lie- I made Troy go to the store that instant to buy it and that night I had 2 :)
What I miss: Not being stared at when I'm by myself in line at the liquor store with a case of Budweiser- of course it's not for me people!!! I guess this is what guys feel like buying tampons.

What I am looking forward to: Next doctor's appointment is this Thursday. No, I am not looking forward to that orange drink I have to guzzle for the gestational diabetes test - and I hear it's more like Orange Glo than Sunkist. But I am looking forward to another listen at the heartbeat. I hope it's pulse is back down from The Guess Who concert this past Friday. That drum solo was kickin' in that little casino room and so was the baby. I was scared we were getting a lot of "What the f**k is going on out there Mom & Dad!?"'s from the concert-goer within. That's what you call a jam session my child!
Weekly Wisdom: Pregnant woman are lucky at a roulette table. Baby needs a new pair of shoes! Well we won enough for 20 pair :)
Milestones: Baby is about 2.5 lb and 15" long. Keep on cookin' homeskillet! Reminds me of Juno- "That ain't no Etch A Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet." I need to go watch that movie now.
Baby Brain Moment of the Week: This was classic. So we get the Wii, make our characters to look like us, and Troy is kicking my ass at Cycling. Me being the poor loser that I am, demands we switch remotes so he can see how mine isn't working right. We procede to battle it out in a cycling match again, and I'm basking in my glory since now I'm in 1st place with the new remote and I'm silently chuckling as I can see his guy on the split screen having trouble getting anything to work right. As I cross the finish line, I jump up and down with pride "Woo hoo!" Troy looks at me funny and says "Jess, I won." Puzzled, I ponder. Baby-brained Jessica forgot she was not her character on the screen with the remote switch, and was looking at the wrong side of the screen the whole 5-minute bike race. I immediately felt bad about making fun of the Babies R Us chick.

Weekly Belly Pic: Note to baby: Feel free to just push all of those organs out of the way as you need more room to pack on the pounds- no need to make my stomach go any farther out.